Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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