cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
why is half of my head shaved?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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