At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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