No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
