it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
