You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
