i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
