I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
