he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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