No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
