My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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