my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
