remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
