Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
