Your tits are I can't wait for
I think im going to throw up on grandma
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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