I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
