Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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