he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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