I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
