I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
