My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
