checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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