Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
