Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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