I'm going to jail i love you
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
