i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
