This house was built for laser tag.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
