I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
