At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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