there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
