lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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