This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
