i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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