you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
