I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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