the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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