Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
