Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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