Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
