Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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