is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
