I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
