Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
