i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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