So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
