I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
