Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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