i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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