New low: just hacked my moms facebook
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
