i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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