Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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