youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
