out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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